The Way He Feels
by Beloved Freak
Summary: There was always two reasons why Peter Parker wore his suit under his clothes. Reason one: in case of an emergency and reason two: so no one could see his scars. OOC Spiderman/ Spideypool/ Self-harm warning
1. Cuddle Buddy

**Hello and welcome to my new story. This is a Spideypool fanfic, they are rather cute huh? Anyways, enjoy. Just warning upfront I'll try not to take too long to update but my computer is down (I am using my fiancée's computer at the moment).**

I am always very careful to make sure no one sees my suit, but, I am even more careful when it comes to my scars. Lately, I have not worn my uniform. I have not been Spiderman for months, the media was finally giving up on Spiderman ever returning. I had given up on myself as well. Gwen died because of me, Uncle Ben was murdered because of me, Aunt May is on her death bed, and Mary Jane left me for a better man. I am quickly losing everyone that matters to me. It's all too much. This life doesn't seem real anymore and I don't want it to.

I pulled my sleeves up and saw all of my self-mutilations. They all mean something to me. Each scar is a battle I did not win. I can't take the pain and I want to control, at least, some of the pain. I grabbed a fresh razor blade and slashed another cut. Blood ran down my arm and I felt a relief. That feeling when you self-harm is a feeling like no other.

"Peter!" I hear coming from the living room. Getting up I cleaned my mess and ran to Aunt May.

"Is everything okay Aunt May?"

"Yes, Peter, I just need my nightly medicine. It should be on the kitchen counter."

"Alright Aunt May, I'll be right back." I went into the kitchen to get her medicine.

"Hey Petey!" I heard from a knock on the window. It was Wade. I opened the window and pulled him in.

"Damnit Wade, what are you doing here? You know what, you can explain that later. I'll be right back. Stay here." I walked out and went to Aunt May. Handing her the pills I noticed that her cup of water was not so fresh and could be much better.

"Aunt May your water looks horrible. You should have yelled for me."

"It's fine Peter."

"Let me get you some fresh water." I took her cup but first, reluctantly, let her take her medicine with it. "Would you like ice in it?"

"Please, you are such a good boy Peter. Your Uncle Ben would have been so proud to see the man you have grown up to be."

"Aunt May, it's only been a year since he died. Not that much has changed."

"Oh I disagree, you have grown up nicely, Peter. Now to the importance things, fresh ice water." She said with a smile. I smiled back at her and left for the kitchen where Wade was still hanging out. I got a fresh cup out of the cabinet and made her a glass of ice water with a straw.

"Can I follow?" Wade asked.

"No, stay here. I'll be back." I returned to Aunt May and gave her the fresh cup of ice water.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

"Not, but thank you Peter. I am about to go to bed."

"Alright, I love you Aunt May. Good night." I said as I pulled her blanket up. I returned to the kitchen shortly after. Wade was sitting on the counter playing the knife game. He had stabbed almost all of his fingers by the time I returned.

"Wade you're making a mess! Stop stabbing your fingers!" He looked up and handed me the knife. The knife was covered in blood and I couldn't manage to hold it. I dropped the knife and Deadpool looked at me. I giggled and he looked at me oddly. Yes the man with multiple personalities looked at me oddly because I laughed.

"It's nothing Wade. So, why are you here?"

"I wanted to see my baby boy."

"Did you have a reason for wanting to see me, and I thought I told you not to call me baby boy?"

"Oh come on Spidey, why are you acting so cold?"

"I'm not being cold." I whimpered. Cold, it's always been a soft spot for me. Maybe I am cold. I really don't like being called cold though. I picked up the knife and cleaned it and Aunt May's old cup. I began to put them away as Wade talked once more.

"Hey. What's wrong? You don't patrol anymore, I never see you and when I do you act all weird. I can tell something is up. I know you think I am lying when I tell you this but I do love you Peter. This is Wade Wilson speaking and he wants you, the lucky Peter Parker to know that you have just won a prime seat in Wade's bed."

"Damn Wade, I don't think you could be serious if it were to kill you."

"No, I couldn't. Being serious is too boring." Wade walked over to the now still Peter and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Do you want to go to bed baby boy?"

"Shut up Wade." I grabbed his arm and blushed. I pulled him my way, walking up the stairs and into my room I laid on the bed. I then pulled Wade over top me.

"I knew you wanted me."

"It's not like we're doing anything, just cuddling."

"Good enough for me, Peter."


	2. Get Out!

**Well here's chapter two. Just going to let you know there is some boy to boy action in this chapter (but that's the good stuff right?). Anyways here you go, enjoy.**

I woke up the next morning and Wade was still wrapped around me. I felt his being poke my back very stiffly. Morning wood, how wonderful. He began to stir around and reached around me to feel my being in his hand.

"Wade!"

"Good morning, beautiful."

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Taking care of you." He began to pump my morning wood and I was taken back. I began to breathe heavily and I couldn't hold back.

"Wade, what about yourself?" I barely breathed out. He pulled my hand to his wood and whispered seductively into my ear.

"Why don't you help me?" I blushed harder and began to pump him.

"Spidey, can we do it?" I was shocked and yelled at him.

"What?"

"Peter, I want to fuck that sweet butt of yours. I haven't seen you in so long and you feel so good." He began to slide his other hand down my pants.

"Wade," I whimpered. "just this once." He poked my hole and began to warm me up. Sliding his finger in and out and me slowly, he turned my pain to pleasure in a matter of seconds.

"Thank you baby boy." Wade pulled me off of him and pulled up my ass in the air. Face down ass up, his favorite position. He pulled his pants down and inserted himself into me. He held onto my hips and pounded into me multiple times. Wade kept going until we were happy and I was full.

"Peter," I heard Wade from the bathroom. We took turns on our showers to clean up from our morning activities. I made sure that Aunt May was still asleep and she was. She almost never wakes up till nine or so these days. "are we dating?" I blushed. We had never officially said we were but I figured we were. It's not like today was the first time this had happened. "Peter, I want that sweet butt all to myself." I laughed and Wade turned off the shower. I was already back in my clothes. I figured it was just joke but the next thing I know there was a hand gripping my ass. "I'm serious Spidey, this is my ass." I laughed more and kissed him.

"You're crazy Wade." I looked him and noticed something. "Wade! You're still naked!"

"Yes, I know this already."

"Go put on your clothes!" Wade whined at that.

"But why baby boy?" I blushed.

"Be… Because you will get a cold, I don't know. It's awkward." I stuttered.

"Why are you being so shy, I mean we just fucked Spidey?"

"I don't care Wade, go put on clothes. My Aunt May is just down the stairs!"

"That old bat, don't worry she's on death's door anyways." I blanked to that, he said it his normal joking tone but it hurt. How could he say that? He knew she was sick, and he knew I was dying over it.

"Get out." I whispered.

"What, why? Besides you never answered my question." He pouted, but I didn't care.

"Get out Wade Wilson! Get out of my house!" I yelled. I couldn't be near him. He was shocked at this. He knew I never called him by his full name. I just need to be alone.


	3. Night Sky

**Well here's chapter three. Man I am sorry this story is so out there. I feel like it's kind of difficult to write now that I've actually started it. I almost have to be in a bad mood to write it. I've just got writer's block. Oh well, I hope you all enjoy it either way!**

Wade left that morning. I took care of Aunt May all day but decided that I needed a night to myself. I put on my outfit. I wasn't going on patrol but I wanted to venture out once more. I put aunt may to bed and went out, locking the door on the way out. I swing from building to building until I got to my favorite building in this town. This building was nothing special, it was actually a rather shitty building. However, that might be part of the reason why I like it so much. Something so shitty can lead to something so beautiful, because the view from up here was fantastic. You can see the river and across it is a simple view but it is so beautiful. I slid my mask off and sat down curling my legs into my arms then resting my head on my knees. The air outside is cold and crisp but it is refreshing. I pulled my sleeves up and looked at my cuts. I know I shouldn't cut myself but sometimes it just seems like the only answer. I remember when I first started coming here it was with Wade. We had just began "dating" and he wanted me to see his secret place. Things where so easy then. Gwen was alive, in fact she didn't really even know me. Aunt May was in great condition. Life was going well. Things have just spun out of control.

"Hey Spidey, I was starting to miss that outfit." Wade said scarring the shit out of me.

"Goddamnit Wade!" I yelled.

"What, I did nothing."

"You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," He began to speak as I got up flashing him a good glance at my raw arms. I quickly pulled my sleeves down. "I mean it." He continued as if he saw nothing. "I am sorry for this whole day, I was way out of place when I said what I did this morning."

"It's fine, I know how you are. Things just haven't been easy and I lashed out on you. So I am sorry too."

"Well now that that is settled, care to explain your arm."

"Well you see Wade, when a person is born they grow these things called limbs, one of which is what we call an arm."

"Don't be a smartass, you know that's my department. Tell me why there are cuts all up and down them. I know you do it to yourself so explain yourself."

"I'm not getting out of this one am I?"

"Nope. Now speak."

"Well things are hard anymore, it helps."

"Spidey I've been there but you need to pull yourself out of this. Cutting yourself, burning, pick your poison but none of it helps in the long run. It just leaves scars."

"I know." I sighed. We had both sat back down and my cupped my face with my hands. "Wade, Gwen is dead because of me, Uncle Ben is dead because of me, Mary Jane left me, Aunt May is dying, and I don't know how to deal with all this."

"I know baby," He put his arm around my shoulder "Just promise me you'll stop. Hurting themselves is my job as well." He joked.

"Wade."

"I mean it." Though we didn't say anything the rest of the night we sat there in a peaceful silence. He held me in his arms as we looked out into the night sky. It was approaching 11 pm when I finally spoke.

"Want to spend the night with me?"

"Do I ever."

"Okay, let's go then." We walked back to my house and went straight to my room.

"You know I think this is the first time I have actually been invited to spend the night. I usually just come over. Anyways, while we are here I want you to throw away all of your cutting instruments."

"What?"

"You heard me, you don't need them anymore. I'm here and I say we are dating and I will make you stop this behavior."

"Fine, whatever you say. As long as we can sleep." I said not meaning a word of it. I'll buy more razors if I need to. I handed him my stash and he placed them in his pocket. We got into bed right afterwards and fell asleep.


	4. Alright

**Well this is the end of this fanfiction. I'm sorry if it sucked. Urgh, I feel like it did. Either way thank you so much for hanging on. I hope you enjoy! I really feel like I lost touch of this story. Urgh, oh well. Shit happens, right? Well either way enjoy! Thank you for reading this.**

The next morning I woke up with Wade wrapped around me. After everything that happened last night I didn't know what to think this morning. I was still depressed but I didn't feel so alone in this ordeal. Wade started to shuffle in his sleep and I took this as my opportunity to wiggle free. However, things did not work out that way. It seemed like no matter what I did Wade just held on to me tighter each time.

"Morning baby, why are you resisting. You know by now it only makes things worse." I jumped a foot at the sound of his voice. I never realized he was awake.

"Jesus Christ Wade. You were awake this whole time weren't you, and stop with this constant joke, I mean can you be serious for one minute?" I almost snapped at him in annoyance.

"Now Spidey, what's the fun in that. I wanted to surprise you while you struggled. It was so adorable by the way."

"Whatever, look I have to leave for now." Wade gave me a pitiful look as I wiggled myself free for the first time that morning. I went into the bathroom to take my everyday shower. I took off my clothes and stood there in front of the mirror. I looked my body over hundreds of times. There was scars of my legs and fresh cuts on my arms. How did this happen? Yesterday I was so sure of myself, so why is it that today I don't know what to feeling. I know that cutting helps me ease the pain, so is it really so wrong?

"Of course it is." I jumped a foot a second time in this morning because of the same reason.

"Wade, why are you in the bathroom with me? Either way, what are you talking about?"

"I'm here because I want to be and you are sexy, as for what I am talking about you should know. You are easy to read Spidey, but hey that's what I love about you." He said as he put his arms around my waist. I turned my head to his face and looked at him. If he thought it was wrong then I guess it was. After all, where would I be without Wade? I took my shower with the ever so demanding Wade since he did not want to leave me alone, when in reality we all know he just wanted to see my butt. We laid back down after a while.

"So Wade, have you ever been that low? As low as I am, I mean." I asked out of sheer curiosity.

"Of course, look at me Peter, after this happened I tried to kill myself many times but I couldn't die so we know how that went down." He said. "Do you want to know how I overcame the sadness and feeling of worthlessness?" He asked and I nodded. "I realized that what I'm feeling now won't always last. That and I killed the man that did this to me, but you can't do that. So instead I want you to think about what matters, that is what will keep you alive."

"You sure are something Wade."

"Yeah, I know, I'm amazing. No need to say it babe." He shrugged it off. We laid there in bed for a few moments in slience. However, this was one of the most comforting silences I have ever been in. We sat there and enjoyed each other's company just with our breaths. It really puts things into perspective. I thought I would never find someone again after Gwen, but I did and he is sitting here with me on my bed. He is trying to keep me alive, and honestly what else can I ask for? This man made Spiderman do his job. He is making me go back out on the streets and be who I choose to be, he's not letting me quit my job as a savior. What can I say to that, I know he hasn't saved me yet. Things don't work that way, these things take time and I know that I will be working on quitting for a long time. I know that I have to fight through it all by it seems that I'm not so alone in this. I know that it's my fault Gwen died and there is no changing that. I guess I just need to find new ways out dealing with this. Before I knew it tears where falling down my checks. I've lost so many people along this path. Uncle Ben, Mary Jane, Gwen, and I'm about to lose Aunt May. I buried my face into Wade's back and just let the tears flow. Before I even realized it Wade had turned around and was holding me in his arms. We laid there is silence for a while as I sobbed into his chest. He rubbed circles into my back to try and calm me down.

"Hey everything is going to be alright Spidey." He said. "I'll be right here from now on and I won't ever leave." And for that moment in time I believe him when he said everything was going to be okay.


End file.
